BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

I am The Boner in Sweat Pants, and I am fuckin’ amazing!

As much as I wish I was the thoughtful, mirthful, two-sided weenie on the left, I am not.  Fortunate for the ladies (in my empty, oversized head) however, and unfortunate for the rest of humankind, I am everywhere!  I wear A LOT of Panther cologne every where I go, and I’d say I have a kick-ass personality.  I’m pretty sure every lady on the planet wants to fuck me, and I can tell you that I want to fight every guy I come across.  I LOVE to fight!  I think I look just like one of the cliche bad-boys that’s in every great man band, and I am in my own man band…ladies.  

I sport freshly frosted-tipped, platinum-colored lettuce with waves.  I don’t a single hair on my shaved body . . .unless you want to count the thin, wispy, goatee that I drew on my face, which is VERY Italian-looking.  I have a great fake tan that keeps me looking great all year, and in the winter, I tan twice a day.  I am absolutely certain that I could be a male-model, and I actually have done some nude modeling before because I’ve been told that I have an amazing package, which I do.  I take myself VERY seriously, and sixty percent of the time, I am the hottest guy in the gym every time.  Sometimes if I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I get a boner.  Boy, I am smokin’ hot, and I have no doubt I could kick every dudes ass, easy.  Dudes fuckin’ HATE me. . . . Jealous.

On Monday’s I do a bicep routine that would blow your mind. . . Awesome.  The other days of the week I take off because I get tons of cardio in the softball league that I am currently dominating.  Yeah, I work part-time at my dad’s fake-plant store, but am trying to become either a DJ at the club that my buddy’s gonna open up, or try to become personal trainer.  The one’s at my health club don’t know shit.  You should see the stupid shit they have clients doing.  Dude, I know way more than them.  Especially this one dude there who. . . 

Accidentally became more of a social-scientist after years of studying people’s behavior patterns, which were oftentimes repeated daily, methodically, ridiculously, and without any type of beneficial results, over the course of  many years.  An expert in the silent art of being annoyed, amused, and fascinated all at the same time, his rantings and findings on human behavior–when applied to a “gym,” or “exercise” setting–were, and are, astonishing. . .and fucking ridiculous. 

Determined to make a difference, and guaranteed to get your attention, you better get your workout’s here suckas in tight-pants and little-shorts!  It’s time for school . . . Boner school, that is.  Sir, put your hand’s up, you’re being placed under citizen’s arrest. . .by that hard and tiny little prick in your sweat pants!