BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

 Thanks to the four of you who noticed I been tucked away for awhile.  And to the one dude I’ve never met before, but keeps writing me to cheer me on, and tell me that my absence has cost him his only source of daily information and inspiration, right on my man, right on!  I’m sure you’re a hit with the ladies.  And no, we probably shouldn’t hang out sometime, thanks though.

Now, to the rest of you bird-brained peckernecks, I hope you all missed me, cause I missed all of you, and I’m back with a big announcement to make about a decision I (almost) made during my time spent doing much cooler stuff than writing about boners.  Thing is I’m gonna need everybody’s help to pull this off: (drumroll please) . . . Ladies and germs, I have (nearly) decided that  I am going to do one of two things, I’m either going to run for mayor of Kansas City, or I’m gonna start a gang!  Either way, I want all of you guys to be involved with whichever one I choose.  You see, I don’t watch the television news much anymore, and I cancelled my subscription to the Star, which is something I never thought I would do–Quick Sidenote:  In case you guys don’t read the paper either, be sure to read The Boner in Ink magazine every Wednesday.  A lot of times they won’t print my shit, but they do sometimes, and if not in the mag, my answers can always be found unedited online at www.inkkc.com  It would be as part of the Frink Panel…so far I’ve gotten away with “whiney pussies,” and most recently, “bullshitty nonsense”–anyway, I caught wind the other day that our current mayor Dr. Funkenstein, who has got to be one of the ugliest bastards I have ever seen in my life–right up there with Kris Kaeman and Edward James Olmos–and who also smells like bigfoot’s dick (I heard…from someone who was gittin’ theys hair and nails did at the salon), is about to be recalled or whatever they fuck they do with faulty mayors.  So that got me to thinkin, as many of you know, I voted for myself for president last November by writing my name in the space provided.  And although I can’t prove it, I think I got a few drunk guys to do the same, which gave me a total of around 4 or 5 votes.  Now if I can muster up that kind of  support for president of the United States, I figger I could easily win some shitty lil’ gig like mayor.  If that doesn’t wind up working for whatever reason, then I’m not fuckin’ around, we’re startin’ a gang.  Everybody can be in it, even if you’re a pussy (cause I know most of you are), but it ain’t that kind of gang, so don’t worry about it.  Anyway, the name of the gang would be simple, yet perfect.  We ain’t the Bloods, and we ain’t the Crips… sons of bitches, we are the Bisps.  That’s right, the KC Bisps, here to get some shit done that hasn’t been gettin’ done by the losers in charge now.  So who’s with me?!!?

That, and also, just to let you all know, last month I legally had my name changed to Bonerin Michael Sweatpants (I kept my middle name).  I felt like my real identity was starting to get a little too obvious, so I thought this might throw people off a little.  That, and how cool would it be to have a mayor named Bonerin M. Sweatpants!

That’s it.  But I’m officially back to give more offensive weight-loss advice, and relay news on how ridiculous things have actually gotten inside everybody’s favorite health club.  So keep checkin’ back cubicle-gangsters, I know you’re the ones who’ve been missing me the most.  I’ll be tea-baggin at least a couple days each week for the next 9 months.  And I just found out what an RSS Feed is, so I guess if anyone really gives a goddam, they can know when there’s breaking news.

Welcome to spring pussies.  It’s 2009, which is The Year of the Boner.  I’m looking forward to an exciting next 9 months.  Stay hard!