BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of quasi-fitness news from a real fitness professional. This blog has been called "very witty" and "informative" by some dude I've never heard of.

Greetings, and happy Friday to you cubicle peckernecks.  I don’t know if you guys pay much attention to the “comments” portion of this site, but it is the section that allows people to give their two-cents on anything I’ve written (for those of you who are fuckin’ stupid).  Anyhow, I got a very nice, and interesting inquiry that was written to me the other day by a woman named Joan.  I have never met or spoken to Joan before.  She had apparently run across my boner somehow, and she wanted to share her story with me.  She also asked for any comments or thoughts that I might have regarding her experience.  After reading her story, I decided it was one worth sharing with the rest of you, because this seems to be a recurring theme with many people. 

Joan Parker is a busy, suburban, mother of three.  As she tells it, she successfully lost 30 lbs. in less than 30 days, without “dieting,” or “going to the gym every day.”  In her own words  “After trying lots of different things, I developed a diet that works and fits my busy schedule. The products in this diet are safe, healthy, and they REALLY WORK.”  Here are two pictures that she posted to prove her point.   The first was taken on October 3, 2008, and the other was taken on November 1, 2008. 

That amounts to a  total of 29 days.   She was able to lose 30 lbs. of body weight….Oh fuck it, here is her story in her own words:

Joan Parker here. I wanted to write about this amazing product that helped me to lose so much weight. I’m a working mom of 3 – a receptionist at the local doctor’s office here, with three absolutely amazing TEENs. John, five; Alex, three; and the baby, Lauren, who is turning a year old. It can be so stressful trying to lose all of that baby weight! While I was pregnant with Lauren, I don’t know why but I gained about twice as much weight than with John and Alex. After Lauren’s birth, I worked so hard to get back to my “normal” shape; working in a doctor’s office wouldn’t look good if I was so overweight!  I managed to lose all of the baby weight Lauren put on to me, except for the stubborn last twenty pounds. I worked my butt off to get that far, and some things worked better than others – but they all made me feel very tired and lethargic, almost like I was still pregnant! I tried the South Beach Diet, the organic juice-only diet, the supplements-only diet – I tried everything, combined with exercise; nothing worked well.  And the places that the weight stayed on – around my middle, and my thighs and butt – made it incredibly difficult to buy or even try on clothes. I would go to the department store and try on jeans, and rush out in tears; it was so hard to find clothes that fit right, or even fit close to right. My self-esteem dropped, and even the new baby girl couldn’t bring it back up again. My husband noticed, and commented that my self-esteem issues concerning my weight were really affecting the family. I had to find some way to get out of this rut.  My husband noted that the women in his office were talking about the miracles that this Acai Berry Weight Loss Formula worked for them, and suggested it to me. I think that he genuinely wanted me to feel better about myself. But then when I heard that Oprah was the one who was suggesting this diet, I had to try it.  Another friend who had also just had a baby and was trying to lose the rest of the stubborn weight from the pregnancy recommended the Colon Cleanse, to help me do weight. I talked to her about the Acai Berry Weight Loss Formula, and after some research online and with the doctor at my office, we discovered that they were safe and twice as effectual when you combine the two.   After doing the combination of these two diets for a month, I found that all of the weight from my last pregnancy was gone! In addition to losing the weight from the last pregnancy, I was beginning to lose other weight that I had put on, simply from all of the stresses of being a working mother – ferrying John around to his soccer practice, Alex to play dates with his three year old “girlfriend;” and, of course, Lauren is still in her “mommy’s girl” phase.  If the TEENs want McDonalds, I don’t have time to take them there after work, and then make myself something special afterwards! I have to eat what they eat; it’s really the only thing that works. These two diets, the Acai Berry Weight Loss Formula and Colon Cleanse, allow me to still eat what my TEENs eat, and lose weight at the same time!  My friend, too, has learned that she can devote more time to her TEENs and less time to her eating habits while doing this diet.  So, what did my friend and I do to lose so much weight?  Oprah is never wrong. And neither are Rachel Ray or CNN – both of which have been mentioning the Acai Berry a lot lately. The Acai Berry Weight Loss Formula, combined with the Colon Cleanse, help me in many different ways.

• my metabolism is much more regular, and much faster, so I am able to eat more and gain less weight
• it keeps me from feeling like I constantly need to eat to keep up with my life
• I have so much energy to devote to John, Alex, and Lauren. And they need a lot of energy and attention! In addition, my relationship with my husband has improved so much; we now have time to do “other special things” that I didn’t previously have energy for
• I also have healthier gums and teeth by cutting out coffee, tea, and soda. I don’t need them any more because I already have enough energy, thanks to the Acai Berry and Colon Cleanse!

Besides the physical effects, I managed to shave inches and inches off of my waistline. I went down four whole inches in jean size!! And the doctor who was helping my friend and I out told us that we would be lowering our blood pressure, in addition to our cholesterol, and that we were cleaning out the years and years of buildup in our colons.

After losing so much weight, I am finally happy with my figure and my body and am so much healthier. The energy increase has truly made an enormous impact on my health, too, which I am sure I will appreciate later in my life. I know that there are women out there who are having weight problems, just like what I was having after my last baby. I believe that the Acai Berry Weight Loss Formula and Colon Cleanse diet, since it worked for me, will work for anyone, especially people who are tired of having to devote hours and hours of time to these diets without seeing any results at all. You will lose about 30 pounds in under a month; I did, and so did my friend! My doctor was so impressed, and noticed the change in my demeanor also. If you are having problems losing weight, or if you are busy and don’t have time for other ridiculous diets, use this diet. It truly will change your life; it changed mine, and I wouldn’t go back to my old body for anything!!  As you can see from the picture above, I lost a TON of weight. Over 30 pounds! More importantly, the weight finally stays off. I’m really happy I discovered this diet, and I wanted to share it with you.

Ok…let’s see…where do I begin?       Thank you, Joan, for writing me, and thank you for sharing your story with me, and all of my boner-riffic friends, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not try to pawn your advertisement for whatever product you are endorsing off on me and my people who are in search of real health and wellness.  I do not mean for that to sound insulting, but come on.  It just so happens that you stumbled across a REAL wellness/fitness professional, who not only can see through all of your illusions (which I do not doubt you are very sincere about), but is also trying very hard to get my fellow Kansas Citians to call out as nonsense as well.

You see, I am quite familiar with the Acai berry, and I would never doubt it’s legitimacy as one of nature’s most potent antioxidants.   But for you to call it a “weight loss” supplement is naive, and untrue.  It has absolutely no direct affect on whether a person actually ”loses weight” or not.  And whatever doctor told you that it does, should have his license stripped for being an inept, misinformed liar.  The acai berry has no more ability to make a person ”lose weight” than does a stalk of broccolli.  Are they both extremely healthy, and contribute to a person’s overall level of nutrition?  Absolutely.  But it has about as much of a direct affect on weight loss as does the size of Ronny Toolenburgers miniature penis.   Look, I appreciate the fact that you feel better, and that you have lost 30 lbs of who knows what, but if it’s fast “weight loss” that you are in search of, then stop eating altogether.  I can assure you that you will ”lose weight” faster that way than by trying to sell anyone on acai’s ability to do the same.  Here are my questions for you: First, show me some scientific research that confirms these (yours, or your ”doctors” and/or “friend’s”) claims of “weight loss” occurring from a combination of acai and colon cleansing.  Second, what is the ORAC value of the acai berry, particularly when compared to other, more potent, natural antioxidants, such as the mangosteen fruit, which factually just so happens to be much stronger?  Like I said, I applaud you for losing “weight” and for feeling better about yourself, but send me a picture from today, and let’s see how you are doing now.  Maybe you’re doing great, but are you healthy?  Has your blood pressure lowered?  Has the ”weight” you lost from your “magic diet” come from fat, or have you simply become so malnourished that you have convinced yourself that because you are now lighter (for whatever reason), you can now eat all that nutritious fast food with your kids so that you can all perish at an early age together? 

Joan, I don’t know you, so please don’t think I’m picking on you, but do yourself a favor and get real.  The weight that you lost in a time frame that makes it anything but healthy, doesn’t mean a damn thing to me, and to the people I am trying to send a message to.  You have bought into everything that I am fighting against here.  Keep drinking your acai juice, but it’s not making you “lighter.”  It may very well be improving the state of your nutrition, but for what?  So you can feel ok about the fast food that you are feeding yourself and your kids?  That’s not health.  That’s a gimmick.  I’m trying to get people to be better than that, and regardless of whether I know you or not, just the fact that you took the time to write, means that I want more for you too.  So here is my advice to everyone: move your body because we as a species were designed to move.  Drink acai if you want, but Vemma is a better choice because it contains a more potent antioxidant in the mangosteen fruit, it is combined with all essential vitamins and trace minerals, in liquid form, and therefore get absorbed at a rate of 95 percent, versus pills or capsules, which at best get absorbed at about 25 to 28 percent, and quit trying to tell yourself, your friends, and especially me that exercise is unneccessary in the quest for better health and wellness.  That is a lie.  If you’re lazy, and don’t like to move, then say that, but DO NOT go spreading more bullshit about something that most likely has you as fat today as you were when you took that first picture.  Could I be wrong?  Absolutely.  But, I am going to leave you all with scientific evidence to back up what I am saying, and unless anyone else can provide me with the same in regards to their claims, then I will consider myself to have a more compelling case.  I sincerely hope that I do not seem as though I am downplaying any accomplishment that you (Joan), or anyone else may currently feel good about having accomplished.  I am, however, saying that when it comes to the betterment of a person’s overall health, weight has about as much to do with it as does my boner.  Take the time to look at what I am leaving you with Joan (and everyone else).  I love you, and want you to be alive for the sake of your kids much more than I care about how skinny your corpse is.  I hope this is a message that gets through to more people than just my new friend Joan.  I want all of you to be alive, happy and healthy.  With all the sincerety this boner can muster, please take the time to look at what I am leaving you with.  Thanks Joan!

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