BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

I know that most of you think it’s funny when I rag on the dudes who would make the world a better place if they all got on the same bus and drove it straight into the ocean.  I, on the other hand, think it’s funny that you think it’s funny, primarily because it’s most likely you that i’m talking about.  Those of you who actually work with me, and therefore know me though, all know that that’s not really what I’m all about.  Yes, all these freaks that I speak of still exist, and no, I don’t make any of this shit up.  They are all very real.  Other than their annoying stupidity however, I certainly don’t “hate” any of these people, or wish them any harm (other than maybe a little friendly shot of mace to the face).  The real problem, and I say this in all seriousness, is that other than the fuckwads who are beyond all hope whatsoever, I really do believe that most of you do care–even if only a little–about being healthier.  I just don’t think that most of you have found a good enough reason to actually do anything about it.  In other words, simply wanting to lose “weight,” in my experience, has never been enough of a motivator to cause a person to make the type of change that lasts for more than a few days.  Maybe a few weeks.   And for the one’s who are the least-non-motivated, you might even come every day, but it sure ain’t doing shit for you.  Fuck, you might even be able to bench press more than me, but how’s that back of yours that you threw out while trying to pick up your 2-year-old after a long day of cubicle pimping?  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You can wear tighter pants Woodrow Gugenheim from cube #4, but your jock strap still resembles a piece of dental floss and a peanut shell.  Based on the fact that the three or four of you guys are still hitting this here boner site often enough to make me think I’m talking to more than just you guys though, I am going to get past the rock-hard baby’s arm in my trousers, and bring out the rest of my genitalia for you weirdos to take a long, deep, whiff of.  Mmmmmm, go ahead Lonnie Steve, soak in the aroma, and stick that nasaly beak of yours deep inside that crevasse of nut-budder that lives in-between my anus and scrotum.   Don’t like that shit?  Now maybe you’ll see how I feel after having to see (and smell) you on a daily basis.  You guys already know how I feel about those dudes though, so today I’m going to leave them, and their Camaros alone, in order to focus on some things that are a bit more important.  First of all, it should be noted that I am grateful every single day for having what I consider to be the best group of individual client’s that any trainer could ever have.  They are all extremely intelligent, all very motivated, and whether they are aware of it or not, I learn as much from them about their areas of expertise as they do about exercise and health from me.  It’s also important to note that I said I was very grateful, not lucky!  I have spent nearly 6 years working my ass off to be in a position where I can be selective about whom I choose to work with.  Still, sacrifices were made (financially) in order for this to be the case.  To me though, it was well worth it, as I would rather work with one of my current clients for free, than some brainless-idiot who has no prayer of being successful, yet has all the money in the world.  I mean that.  Why else would I be willing to dispense what I consider to be helpful exercise information on here, for free, if money was ultimately the most important thing to me?  Quite simply, I wouldn’t.  Shit, it’s not like I really believe any of you fat-wanks are actually doing any of the things I’m recommending on here anyway, but to put it gently: I couldn’t care any less, ever, no matter what, about what you choose to do with your chemically-dependant, odorrific, worthless, biohazard of a body.  I mean, I don’t know if you ever had a neck, but if you did, it must have dissolved so long ago into your body, that you should just keep doing whatever you’re doing.  Clearly, it’s working.  It’s awfully impressive that you were able to make the thinnest part of your body the top of your head.  Amazing, actually.  Good for you!  Now, for those who are actually enrolled in this university as a Fightin’ Meat Crank, here is some actual advice that you ought to consider applying to that exercise program you’re not doing.  It’s been 40 days since I started trying to change the landscape of KC’s collective state of piss-poor health.  How are you doing?  Did you wage war with yourself and commit to the 30-days–for those who have been following along?  If so, phenomenal work.  You must really want to do something different.  If you haven’t done a goddamn thing but read about it, then…well, I’m not even gonna get started on you worthless losers.  Back to those who are trying.  I have now given a number of high-quality workouts, and websites containing information that I know to be very high-quality, easy-to-follow, manageable and effective.  It’s time to evaluate how you’re doing.  Here’s the thing: Unless you have followed the programs given, in it’s original form, with 100 percent effort, then I don’t want to hear that they are not working for you.  Maybe you do feel as though whatever adjustments or activities you have implemented are having a positive effect, but I can’t say because you’ve now turned it into your own program, and based on your track record, you may have ruined it completely.  Your version of these programs are the first time anyone has done it that way, as far as I know, and so it may or may not work.  All I know is that the programs I have offered do work, when done correctly.  No excuses.  Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t tweak a program to your own needs, or substitute certain exercises based on available equipment or an existing injury–but just be aware that every change you make is one that the original author did not tell you to do.  If you change the length of the intervals in that last cardio program for example, then what affect is that going to have?  My guess is that the consequence of your tweaks and changes are not going to be one’s that are for the better.  Everything has a purpose in a good program…and muthafucka’s my programs are the best!  Hells yeah!  Here’s another one, now do this shit right goddamnit!

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