Hey, Is That A Lewd and Lascivious Act You’re Performing?
So the other day I was thinking about exposing myself. You know, I had one of those long, creepy-looking pervert-coats on, the kind you don’t really see people wearing anymore, and I was just strolling down the street, mindin’ my own goddam business when it just seemed like a nice day to flop my dick out. What?!? I mean, that’s totally rational, right? Who hasn’t had the urge to leave the house wearing nothing but a trench coat and sandals, and show their thang to a playground full of children? Can any of you losers even imagine what thoughts must go through these whack-job’s fucking pea-brains before they decide it’s a good idea to drive their cabs with the wheel in one hand, and a filthy, stankin, rotten, swollen red-hot in the other. Man, I didn’t used to think that shit really even happened for real. I mean, I heard about it on the news every now and again. Shit, I even saw a dude run naked out of the bleachers at a Royal’s game a few years ago, and slide head first into second base before trying to out run security and hop his naked-ass over the outfield wall, but that was fuckin’ awesome. In fact, I wonder whatever happened to that dude. Not that I’ll ever know, but I will certainly never forget that motherfucker. Think about it for a second: If you’re at a ballgame, and you’re with your buddies, having a good time, crushing a few cool ones and what not, you might get a little wound up. You might feel loose enough to start yelling at the refs or something, which is always a good idea Superfan. You’re really helping every time you make your eyes look like they’re about to pop out of your vein-ridden, swollen, cherry-red head, and froth stale-flavored beer-saliva over every person within 9 rows of you as you shout obsceneties at people who can’t even hear you. Anyway, so you’ve had a few pops, you’re having a good time, and then your boys start fucking with you a little bit, telling you that you ought to strip your clothes off and run out on the field and shit. It is a good idea, but you of course aren’t that stupid, and you know their just fucking around anyway. But then what the fuck happened? So a few more innings go by, and what? How, exactly, the fuck much do you have to drink, (especially considering the beers at the K are like $18 or something), to actually start contemplating the aforementioned scenario as something other than absolutely incredible?!? Can you picture this shit? You’re getting ready to go take a piss during the seventh-inning stretch, and all the sudden you got this asshole taking his clothes off, butt-ass naked, making a mad dash for second base. I’m not even gonna touch the head first slide. I just love that guy. I know a shitload of people who love to talk a good game. They talk so much shit that they can’t back up, that nobody even wants to be around them. But this dude truly don’t give a fuck. Motherfucker got naked, ran out onto the field in front of thousands of people with his schlong floppin’ all over the place. That guy should be honored for his bravery, hilarity and uncanny ability to get unbelievably inebriated. Fuck, I’m about to go back to work. I had zero intention of getting into that heroic tale, but I’m glad that I did. So if you made it to the end of that doozie, and you still think that you can take some of that white, hairy, jelly fat off your waistline, here’s your free training session for today:
Whatever you think you know about losing fat, do the opposite. The only results your fat-loss training agenda got you was more fat around your face, legs and stomach. Therefore, I am again going to suggest going to www.alwyncosgrove.com for excellent training information. Or, even better than that, go to www.menshealth.com. I think that’s the site. Whatever Men’s Health magazine’s website is, it too has excellent information, which won’t suprise you when I say that this Boner has a sister who is an editor for them! Stay inside today. We need less idiots on these shitty snow-covered roads. Until next time, au revoir!
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