BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

 During this time of year, when I am simply waiting for everyone else to get done with the holidays, I am sometimes triggered to think about things that I normally otherwise woudln’t ever think of.  And since Christmas is a holiday about Jesus, I’ve been doing me some thinkin’ about Jesus.  Now the majority of you dipshits realize that I have absolutely zero interest in making any of you feel warm and fuzzy, and that along the way of thinning the herd and extricating the stupid, most of you will at some point be offended.  Don’t care.  I’m sick of pussies with low self-esteem who play the role of victim all the goddam time, and so if you happen to be a Jesus-freak, then go ahead and get the fuck on out of here now.  You’re probably going to be offended because this here is a call for putting an end to anything that has the four letters WWJD? on it.  That shit needs to be finished, retired, made officially off-limits.  It’s stupid, it’s fucking annoying, and it offends me.  See, I didn’t know Jesus personally. . .unless of course you are talking about Jesus Radcliffe from Ooh-Lee-Ga, Oklahoma.  But Jesus of Nazareth, no, never knew him.  I hear that he was a pretty amazing dude, and I happen to think that he probably was, but because I am not a Christian, I do not idolize him as the messiah.  That is irrelevant though.  Can we please do away with the ”What would Jesus Do?” question, if for no other reason, because I’ve already answered it so many times.  He (Jesus) would have worn a venice-beach style tank-top, packed the fattest, coolest bulge you’ve ever seen inside his tiny, short shorts.  He would have been in damn good shape, loved his weiner, and worn a ponytail.  If you don’t like that answer, then quit asking the question bible-boy.  

Let’s get back to the conversation we started last Friday, on how to more efficiently rid yourself of the overabundance of bodyfat that you are currently dealing with.  For those who are following along, we were talking about why traditional “cardio” workouts are boring, ineffective, and a surefire path to quitting.  They don’t do shit for your metabolism after your leisurely pretend-workout has ended, and so I made the case for spending less time in the gym, incorporating a higher-intensity workout that includes weights or resistance training. 

The second “key ingredient” in fat-loss programming does allow a person to spend time on their cardio-machine of choice, but good luck if you think it’s going to be easy.  It’s called High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT).  It burns a shitload more calories than that pussy shit you’ve been fooling yourself into thinking is doing anything on the elliptical.  Reason this workout is so much more of a metabolism-booster, is because it requires you to step out of your comfort zone.  In other words, it’s un-comftorable…and hard!  There was a landmark study that was done in 1994 that compared interval training v. steady-state aerobic training.  The interval training group showed a nine times greater loss in subcutaneous fat than did the endurance group, while burning less than half the calories that the endurance group burned during each days single bout of exercise. 

For those of you who need me to explain this to you in the same way I would a  2-year-old, retarded-gerbil named Liberace, it means that people who do interval training showed a nine times greater loss in fat than do the idiots who waste their time doing the same slow-ass pace for however long every day.  One more time: the interval group lost nine times more fat overall.  That’s significant, don’t you think?  Or do you think, fuckin’ brainless moron.  Don’t you see the importance of that statement?  Even if the interval training caused people to lose the same fat as the endurance group, you’d STILL get the SAME results, in LESS time.  Now, I’m out of here, I’m going to meet my buddy Jesus Radcliffe for a drink.  He came in town from Necklahoma, and he sells gold chains.  See you tomorrow for Tuesday’s Festival of Testicle!