BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

Goddamn this is a drab time of year.  We are eight days away from the shortest day on the calendar.  By shortest, I mean darkest.  By darkest, I mean the worst.  I know everybody is feeling it, it’s unavoidable.  Our circadian rhythms are out of whack, the weather sucks, and your white, pasty loins have now gotten fat enough to rub against one another all day, leaving you with the most foul-smelling odor that a human being could ever produce coming from that black hole of yours.  I can just see you roasting all your chestnuts on an open fire you fat motherfucker.  Back to my point:  I am trying diligently to make this year different.  Therefore I am taking my own advice to do something different, in order to get through this miserable time of year.  The first thing is to hang on for dear life, and just make it to the 21st of this month.  That is the solstice, and after that, we’re officially training for spring.  Why am I telling you this?  No fucking idea, but the fact that we’re so close, I’m going to spend my time waiting for the rest of you to get done fucking around, and make a real contribution by giving away information that many of you obviously need, but could never afford.  Let’s start with a very quick recap.  Here is the list of things that if you are not already doing, as a bare minimum, then don’t bother reading any further.  Seriously, don’t waste your time, even if you don’t have anything better to do.    Here’s the list: 

• Exercising/physical activity for a minimum of 30 min every day.
• Supplementing with a high-quality Omega-3 Essential Fatty Acid (Fish Oil)
• Eating within reason, and making mindful decisions when it comes to choosing what to eat and when.
• Fighting the build-up of free radicals in your body with a potent antioxidant, premium liquid nutritional program and/or supplement, which can be further researched and bought at www.myvemma.com/lernerfitness.  Watch the 7-minute video at the top of the screen to see why this is so important.  Vemma will also make your dick bigger…guaranteed.

Now, if you are doing all those things, and if you are really serious about being less-fat–you need to get off the elliptical, put your book away (Sidenote: It never ceases to amaze me at how many idiots come to the gym just to sit their fat ass on the bike, or move slower than fucking mollasses on the treadmill, and read their fucking romance novels, or whatever the fuck that waste-of-paper you’re reading is.  For Christ’s fucking sake, if you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times, yet you keep doing the same damn cardio shit.  Day in, day out, same time, same clothes, bigger ass, fatter waistline, rinse and repeat.  Let me say it one more time:  Hey. . .Shit-For-Brains. . . Yeah you, the one with the Crisco oozing out of your ear-holes, I know you suck at moving without the help of a machine with handles, but it’s gonna take some resistance to lose that blubber homey, so step out that there comfort-zone for two seconds you fat pussy.  Here’s why: The primary goal while exercising should be to work every muscle group (hear that bodybuilder-guy?) hard enough to create a massive “metabolic disturbance,” or “afterburn” if you will.  This type of intensity (aka “metabolic demand”) leaves the metabolism elevated for several hours after the workout.  Look at it like this, if you go out and hit the links for a round of 18, and it takes you 3 or 4 hours because your fat-ass decided to walk instead of getting rolled around in a cart,  then my guess is that you’d be pretty proud of yourself.  Hell, you might have even burned 3 or 4 hundred calories while you were at it.  However, due to a little glitch in the system, unfortunately your 3 or 4 hours of walk time didn’t cut it.  You see, you might have burned more calories than I did during my 30-minute interval workout, but check back with me at the end of the same day Gilhouly.  While your metabolism slowed back to it’s normal snail’s pace a few minutes after you hit the bar for a cool one, mine is still kicking ass, which is also the reason why I have to go.  I don’t want to be late for the gang-bang.  Save a few of those Honey Buns for your chin’s chin Unclestiltskin.