Them Kids Ain’t Stupid…You Are.
I bet you missed me, didn’t you? Don’t act like you didn’t notice I took the day off yesterday. I had some important shit I was preparing for, and I am absolutely thrilled in the britches about what I learned. You see, I was at Shawnee Mission West high school guest-speaking to two different classes (ranging from sophomores to seniors) about health and wellness today. What I found was that these kids are smarter than you are, no question. However, as proof that I try to practice what I preach, I tried very hard to go in with as open a mind as I possibly could, knowing that what I had been hearing lots of lately–exclusively through the media–was how shitty and lazy our gun-toting youth of today is…and fat, but I was determined not to judge or have any kind of preconceived notions. My attitude was that of a student myself, on a mission to see just how shitty, lazy, and noodly these little weasels really were with my own eyes and questions. Did I mention that what I found was that they are smarter than you are? Some of you have kids, others of you don’t, most of you hate yourself with or without. I personally don’t have any kids, therefore, I don’t spend a lot of time around kids. You hear that Mr. Happy? Mr. Happy is the ice-cream man from the Jim Rome show who drives the rusty van around the neighborhood with the words ”Free Candy” spray-painted on the side of it, trying to allure kids with carnival music and ice cream. If you aren’t familiar, he is basically the dude everyone knows who doesn’t have kids, but spends a lot of time around other people’s kids. You know, the dude who coaches your kid’s little league team, but doesn’t actually have any kids on the team. Weird. Real weird. So I was saying how impressed I was with the consciousness of these youngsters, and how they felt about certain health-related topics. These were smart kids, they were sincerely interested, and they listend. It was amazing what I could tell just by watching them listen, even if they were trying to act as though they weren’t. You know what I’m talking about. When you can see the wheels start turning inside a person’s head. That was very obvious as I observed and listen to what they did and said. There was also one little girl in particular, who actually made me feel very sad, unintentionally of course. She sat in the front, and I could very easily make eye contact with her as I spoke to all in the room. She was definitely listening, and I think that some of the things I said were probably hitting pretty close to home, can’t say for sure, but maybe. She looked a bit younger than did most of the others, and she was definitely overweight for her age and frame. There was no denying that, and I didn’t get the impression that she would have denied it if asked. I can only imagine, as can most of you, what it must be like as a shy, quiet 10th grader…and be female. Sorry, but truth. It’s damn hard, I imagine. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes I have a tendency to use very crisp and peppery language. In other words, I’ve become conditioned almost to speak without sugar-coating. People are already making excuses for themselves, last thing we need is more of that. Now it wasn’t like I was dropping fucking F-bombs all around the room or anything, but I was using terms such as fat, and some other shit that just slipped out, accidentally. But this girl didn’t seem like her feelings were being hurt so much by anything I was saying, in fact, it was her recognition of an unfortunate truth that I think might have possibly been bothering her, and that could have come from the sad realization that the lifestyle many parents are providing their kids with are leaving them feeling helpless and hopeless. Of course, this is all speculation on my part, as I said I don’t have kids and do not offer parenting advice, but that’s what I saw, and I know that this shit is out there happening. Whether that was the situation for that particular girl or not is irrelevant. What I’m saying, is that if I were to pass along the lesson that I learned from today’s experience to anyone else, it would be to let yourself be a degenerate, nasty bastard if you want to, but if you’re not going to give your own offspring the opportunity to do differently than your fat, worthless ass, then you should be jailed and used as bait. Your kids, unbeknownst to me before now, are being taught by teachers and missionary boners like myself that there is a better way. They are questioning what you are not. To deprive them of that right is nothing short of abusive, and I can’t imagine that any loving parent, obese or not, would ever want to do that on purpose.
Up next on the Bony Pauvich Show… I had something disgusting happen to me the other day. I mean, this shit couldn’t be described as anything less than revolting. Because it happened to me, however, I feel obliged to tell you about it. Right after this commercial break!
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