Boner University: Home of the Fightin’ Meat-Cranks!
New Year’s resolutions are for absolute fucking pussies. Give me a fucking break. Here we go again with the whole holiday bullshit, when everybody–except my clients cause they don’t do that–start giving me this goddam holiday pussy bullshit. Listen, you’re body has aboslutely no idea what the fuck “the holidays” even are. You can bet your fat-ass that your physiology has not changed one bit, regardless of whether it’s “the holidays” or the fucking middle of July. This is exactly what I have been talking about. If anybody is going to pay me to come and spend time learning how to be healthier, then they damn well better not tell me that on behalf of the holidays, they are simply going to be a fat-ass pig, and there’s nothing my pussy ass can do about that. Great. Now get the fuck out of here.
As for the rest of you who want a better way, I’m going to start dispensing more of that type of information on here on a more regular basis. I can’t say that I won’t break into a rant while dispensing information that I think needs to be dispensed, but that’s simply because I can’t help but say it any other way. If I did, nobody would fucking listen anyway. So as I venture from the first 1,000 hits to the next 100,000,000 I have to go beyond boners, maybe. I definitely have to avoid being redundant though. Unless I make the transition from calling out the idiots, to providing information on to how not to be one, then I would be no better than them. So let’s start with this: Don’t be a New Year’s-Resolution Dickhead. Stop playing this game with yourself that you play every year, only to fall off the wagon by day three, and spend the rest of the year sucking while waiting to start the whole stupid process over again. Do this for a change and start building up momentum NOW, in order to transition more smoothly into the new year and be less likely to quit. Start small. Fuck up now, so that when January 1 rolls around in a few weeks, you will have already quit a few times, and will be much more likely not to quit on the fourth or fifth try. One more reason–if those aren’t enough–is because you will be much less likely to allow yourself to be a nasty excuse for a human-biohazard. Just quit telling yourself that you’re going to start right after the holidays, gain the average 5 to 10 pounds of fat that people do between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, and successfully proceed to take it off with your “new” workout routine. That’s not going to happen, and if you want something different, do something different. Now when I said earlier that I was going to start dispensing more useful information, I did not mean that would be limited to pointless workouts that I have designed for whoever, although sometimes that will be the case. Today however, it comes in the form of a link to a website who I consider to be one of the absolute best when it comes to training. He is an amazing person, one who has battled and defeated cancer…twice…and trainer, who has trained some of the top athletes in the world. He has a down to earth approach, and I would highly recommend the program that can be found at www.afterburntraining.com. The program, information, and insight that he offers is all top-notch. Even if you don’t start moving right away, at least allow yourself to become a sponge for more, better information than you have been given in the past. The time is now, otherwise expect to get worse. You’re either actively living or actively dying, and I can assure you that fact doesn’t change just because of the stank-ass holidays! Now I am going to leave you with an actual letter (I swear), quoted verbatim, from a 15-year-old little girl named Anna. This is what she had to say about female bodybuilders. These words are so perfect that I’m not sure I could have said it more eloquently myself:
’What’s with female bodybuilders? I don’t mean chicks that exercise and stay in shape. I’m talking about those leather-skinned monster-women with deep voices who come from the planet, Butt Ugly. It’s great that these people want to be fit and healthy but why do something that makes you look so hideous? Fit and healthy girls look like Anna Kournikova, Gabrielle Reese and Serena Williams. They’re nice to watch on television because they’re good looking and great athletes. I’ll watch female bodybuilders on the tube but only because it’s like watching a circus side show or getting your Dad to pull over in the car when you see a dead animal or a bad accident.
Female bodybuilders are not healthy or attractive. These women must be using steroids. to look the way they do. They’ll say they’re just using special exercise techniques and diets. But exercise and diets do not make a girl grow muscles that big. That’s what happens to many of these body builders because of steroid use and certain nutritional supplements. Why would a girl want to put this much effort into looking like a man. These chicks are nothing more than pill-popping science experiments.’
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