Slippery Stewart Sho Seemed Stunning Since Squirshin’ into Them Scrotum Squeezers!
I don’t think that I’m smarter than you are, I know I am. This is not, however, because I think I know more than you do in any given particular subject. Anyone who knows me has probably heard me say that the reason I think I’m so smart has everything to do with the fact that I choose to surround myself with people who are, in fact, smarter than I am, people that I can learn from. I am in constant learning mode, which is precisely the reason I can confidently say that, with the exception of a few of you, I am, without question, smarter than you are. I pride myself on paying attention, and strongly suggest that some of you fucking idiots try listening to someone other than yourself every now and again. After all, you’re a stupid moron.
The following excerpts are direct quotes that I plucked from some of the recent e-mails I have gotten from some of you offering your feedback. It should be noted that all of these comments were written by people who are not slippery, ass tossers, and who’s opinions I respect very much. I thank all of you who wrote a boner, and wanted to share some of your thoughts with everyone else. I hope that’s ok.
Professor Cinderblock, a great writer from Colorado for whom I have much respect, wrote this in response to the Workout Poll posted yesterday and today:
“I’d rather hear about some supine boners than this honkey trash. Lunge one from the hip bone out that little pocket they place there for sur-prise.”
Thank you Professor C. Block. I appreciate your thoughts, and think that you’re right. I asked you guys to spot me with your nuts on my forehead, and this has been the best spot I’ve gotten on this subject. I’m sending you an e-fist bump for this one. I’m definitely pullin’ the weasel grease, and gittin’ back to wank-danglys and tittie-flippers. Thanks for reading!
In response to the brilliant job that ESPN: The Swedish Ocho’s news team did in providing us with footage / evidence that our good buddy Andy Ray has not only been located back in Sweden, but is indeed working as a “basket coach,” and looking an awful lot like me. Weird shit, but he is a cool mutha. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check out this link from The Ocho (http://www.bt.se/sport/tv-boras-vann-basketrysare-avgorande-poang-i-sista-sekund. Scroll down to the clip of the basketball game, and fast forward it to the 52-second mark to see our boy Andy Ray speaking jibberish on tv. We love you Andy Ray! Anyway, here’s what you guys thought:
T “The Bull” Dogg writes:
“I’m convinced that Andy Ray was telling a story about a makeshift bong that he made out of a beer can instead of commenting on the game. He probably should come over and coach, considering the way the Spurs are playing.”
Great point T “Bull” D! I’m sure the person he was talking to, who also speaks jibberish, was not phased at all when Andy non-sensibly responded to his question in a way that was totally unrelated. Thanks for reading!
On the same subject, Prof. Block in Colorado wrote:
“Andy Ray, you look so damn serious! It seemed like the whole time you were thinking about little dogs jumping over tiny fences, and gnomes, and fat, perverted Chinese girls smoking pot. What the hell are you up to? When you going to come over to coach the Spurs?”
After reading So Why Do My Pubes Look Like They Need Ironing? Doug Adams, Inventor of the Rat Tail, had this to say:
“Best quote of the day: I was reading me the latest from world-renowned blogger The Long and Strong Boner, when a co-worker walked by and saw the picture that was (on the screen). Her quote: ‘Oh my, that man is awful looking.’ Jealous.”
No question Doug Tail. Bitch is jealous as can be. God only knows what she must have really felt like when laying her eyes on the picture of that little pimp, who just happens to be the dude that keeps getting in my trash, and occassionally works security for me. Fuck her. Thanks for reading!
And finally, another valued member of my advisory board, Prickly Von Metric, had this to say–from Chicago–about his favorite bits of Boner logic thus far:
“Boner, here are my faves: 1.) If You Are Shitty and You Know It, Clap Your Hands (Toot, Toot!) Best line of all the blogs…’Plus, I think my great-grandfather’s nephew’s slave still has a friend in the coat-hanger business, and he might still think you’re worth the price of my urine.’ 2.) Damn Tiny, Is That a Baby Inside Your Belly…(This blog) gets at one of your root causes that often gets lost in the buuuuuuulshit: fitness education…’Here’s a true statement: 55 percent of the American population is overweight. 38 percent of that 55 percent is obese. That means for every motherfucker that you see who is so fat you can’t help but not notice, there are another two that won’t even leave their fucking house, maybe even their bed, and here you are dipping yer french fries in their bed sores. Shit ain’t funny. Be real with yourself.’ 3.) (Although I) couldn’t find my 3rd favorite in your archive, but fo sho the one that brought a very special person back into my thoughts: the one about “The Hand.”
Thank you Prickly! I too found myself getting a little overcome with emotion when remiscing about The Hand, and thinking back to how glad he must be that he got that awesome tattoo on his arm of the flaming tennis ball, right before he got cut from the tennis team. He was an amazing dude. And thank you all for reading!
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