BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of fitness news you can use. One shouldn't have thin skin, or mind the occassional f-bomb, otherwise, this blog has been called "very witty" and "informative."

It has been my experience that whenever I ask a person (or a new client) about what it is that they want, and what actions they would hypothetically need to take in order to achieve whatever the desired outcome may be, it is an absolute rarity for that same person and/or group to actually do anything with the information once given and/or recieved.  In other words, if you were a worthless, shitty loser yesterday, and you keep doing (or not doing) the same things you did (or didn’t do) today, then what fucking difference does it make whether the advice I’m giving you is accurate, or simply a bunch of hyperbolic horseshit that’s awesomely being delivered in the form of a sweet-looking erection?  The answer: It doesn’t asshole.  So don’t be calling me a shitty trainer when you psuedo-shockingly wake up tomorrow, only to find that you are an even shittier, more worthless, dirtbag than you were today.  It’s not because you’re getting older, you just suck more.  It’s not because you don’t know how to exercise, or better, don’t know how to find out.  The workouts don’t suck , you do.  That beer didn’t make you fat and pregnant-looking, your choice to eat it did.  That dead muskrat on your head didn’t make you bald, and your choice to wear it isn’t fooling anyone into thinking that you’re not still bald.  Word? 

Look, I’ve had a great time telling you this week, in as many creatively-different ways I can think of, the various reasons you are an embarassment to yourself, but these are things that you already know.   What’s funny about it is that you’re too much of a pussy to admit, or better yet change, this current, flacid state you’re in.  So I am left to assume that you must like being a unhealthy wanker, and that to me, is just fine.  I just don’t want to pay for all the hospital/doctor bills that you’re own unhealthy ass can’t afford.  Thanks for your willingness to use up all those tax dollars I work so hard for.  I’m just not going to keep on doing it.  I don’t mean that I’m going to quit training.  I love working with the clients I have.  Every one of them works very hard for what they want, or get.  If they didn’t though, they wouldn’t be my clients.  I’d give them to your trainer and let him look bad for your unwillingness to work hard for the sake of your own well-being.  Think you’re the exception here?  Let’s see.  Did you, or will you, exercise today?  Did you eat breakfast for the sake of your metabolism?  Did you eat supportively throughout the day?  Did you make sure to re-fuel your body by getting some form of lean protein, or high-quality carbohydrate source, within 90 minutes after working out?  Did you take your fish oil, or any form of essential fatty-acid?  Did you do even one or two of these things?  No, then I rest my case.  Quit trying to figure out a “better plan” if you aren’t even willing to do, at a minimum, all of the above.  Honestly, if I tell you to do 3 sets of 8 repetitions of a squat, and another trainer tells you that you should do 8 sets of 3, you’re probably not going to do either one of them anyway, so quit wasting your time.  Seriously, you’re better off working on your tan, it’s your only hope.  A truly educated person would know that it doesn’t matter how many sets and reps you do if you’re not doing them correctly anyway. 

So that’s it for me this week.  I hope some of you–any of you– are able to take some of the offense-laden boner-advice that’s been offered up here, and put it to good use.  For those of you who choose not to however, that’s cool too.  Remember, if it weren’t for your shittiness, I wouldn’t look so fucking good to all you ladies out there.  After all, that ain’t a rat’s tail you see poppin’ out a my sweatpants sucka…It’s a massive fucking boner!