BISP's Blog
A Punch-You-In-The-Face style of quasi-fitness news from a real fitness professional. This blog has been called "very witty" and "informative" by some dude I've never heard of.

It’s very possible that I’m the only one reading this, and considering the fact that I am also the one writing it, I’m totally cool with the fact that I can sit here and entertain myself for a while.  But today, Boner, I am going to reminisce about something that came to mind today as I was sitting on the toilet, growing a tail, and that is the bad-ass rat tail that my friend, who from this point shall just be named Rat Tail, used to sport in the late 80s.

It was amazing.  It was thick, it was long as shit, and it was way ahead of its time.  Hairstyles today have for some reason become a type of fascination for me.  In many ways, I can truly see how they could be considered fine works of art.  They often have names, typically they say a lot about the person wearing them, and many times, hairdos come in, and then out, and then back into style again.  The rat tail has never seemed to make this type of comeback however, and I think that now is the right time.

Of course, I’m not gonna grow one, but I think you should.  They are pimp!  Think about it, there are curly, little ones; there are thick, long, tapered ones like my buddy’s; they can be worn on the inside of a shirt, or the outside, depending on the occassion of course, and they are definitely more classy than the less-evolved “mullet” category that the rat tail species was born out of.  Speaking of mullets, that joke is over.  Dudes who grow their hair a little bit longer than they ever have in their whole lives, and then take the family’s kitchen scissors that mom has had in the drawer and used for everything ranging from opening packaged foods, to clipping dingleberries off the family dog since 1984.  You know, the ones with the orange handles.  Admit it, you know your mom used to cut your cabbage with those badboys too!  Anyway, they take those shears and cut it a little shorter on the type to try to be the funny-guy who gets a quick, played-out laugh from other losers he hangs out with.  Well stop it.  Not funny, not cool.  Unless you drove a Camaro in 1986 or before, wear a pinky ring, and have a mustache that still smells like the same Camaro you used to drive back in the day, then it’s not funny.

Rat tails, however, are very funny, but cool.  Think about it.  Who predominately used to have rat tails?  Dudes that played indoor soccer, right?  And if I remember correctly, they were usually goal keepers.  You know, pants with built-in knee pads, neon green shirts with lightly-padded elbow covers, maybe a single, fake-diamond stud in one ear, and always, a bitchin’ rat tail.  I mean, who wouldn’t think that a rat tail comeback would not be spectacular?!?  I can tell you one thing, they were a hell of a lot cooler than what they eventually turned into in the early 90s, which were those greasy, guido-looking, glorified short-longs where they would be curly, possibly even permed into just the back.  Those sucked.  And I bet if I can get the four of you to look at my prideful new web log, you all had one of these at some point in your life.

I didn’t.